My web designer went bankrupt. I’m sorry their company couldn’t make it in the ever-changing landscape of technology and internet. However, my compassion is metered by the fact that they took my (and probably others) money and didn’t provide the services they promised. In addition, they let my hosting lapse… and gave me 15 days to get a new website and off their server. Hmmm.
I know I talk about emotions a lot and I can tell you there were a fair number I was feeling when I found out (through another company, by the way). The immediate and profound effect the situation had on me gave me a chance to see the conscious/subconscious minds in action. On coping. On change. On changing a path…
Panic: Fertile Ground for Change
When I train Hypnotherapists, I often ask them – “When are people open to change?” And the answer is “when they have experienced enough pain.” While we are resilient and powerful beings, the subconscious mind loves repetition, (loves repetition) and habits. Habits are the subconscious mind’s way of being economical, so it doesn’t have to relearn everything anew each and every time we experience it. So it makes sense in that way, however, when we are doing something that ultimately hurts us in some way over the long term, this patterned response may not be so helpful.
Pain is a great impetus for shifting out of the rut we’ve created for ourselves. In my case, I had been dragging my feet on really pushing the website forward (it is my company and my responsibility in the end) – well, with three weeks before the server shut down on my old website (there might be a slight respite, but I can’t count on it), there was a huge urgency to move forward with getting a viable site up sooner rather than later. This is the same with my great clients – while the situation may be difficult at the moment, the need for getting back on a better track makes the unknown no less daunting but discourages us from staying on the same path that hasn’t worked in the past.
Too Quick to Notice?
While I was in the middle of my emotional reorientation period, I often focused on things that I should have done over the past months to have been finished this before their company died. Or that I should have known that something was up because of their communications or other peripheral actions or inactions.
The subconscious is the immediate and emotional mind. It ‘gets’ stuff before our conscious mind does. In Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink, he mentioned that the vast majority of test subjects who were given a set of cards whose odds were not in the player’s favour had physiological stress before they consciously were aware of the in issue. In The Gift of Fear, Gavin de Becker mentions that many of the intuitive indicators we get (through the unconscious/subconscious) can save our lives in a dangerous situation. When we don’t it can have dire consequences. Sometimes we don’t act on these because we have learned to depend on our conscious rationalizing mind to give us the best answer. Or we don’t want to be ‘rude’ by questioning a situation that feels wrong but we don’t have any ‘concrete’ proof that something untoward is going on. He mentioned that we sometimes confuse niceness with goodness which can get us into some serious trouble at times. And while my gut had warned me on several occasions, I ignored it. To my detriment.
Hindsight is a Good Story
Yet it’s all well and good to go on about the ‘if only’ that could have been, looking back with the clarity of hindsight. We can construct our story any way we want. When we create our history, we are actually impacting our future via the subconscious. In the plethora of human options, I could have beaten myself up, could have been irate at the company and all of its connected businesses, I could have wallowed in the unfairness of it all. What would that have done? Made me feel badly about myself, worried about trusting others, become a victim?
Instead, I’m taking the dozens of lessons I’ve learnt over the past couple weeks as well as the opportunity to act in spite of the concern – actually the lack of time has suspended any analysis paralysis (there’s no time to worry about being the ‘best’ decision right now) – and heroically moving forward with the revamp of the website. I’m able to look at what is most important, rather than what might stroke my ego. I’m focusing on what will best serve people coming to learn about me, Grey Matter Network and hypnosis rather than slick corporate lines. And I feel a sense of relief that I’m becoming active, not passive, in the process. I’m still nervous about the outcome because I don’t know what it will be, but I can hold that lightly within myself as I move forward.
I know that the next little while will be important. Not just the relaunch of my website, but how I deal with companies, contracts and certain individuals in the future. Sometimes when we have a situation where we are challenged we can tap into the fears and messages of others in our past, or carry an additional voice that says ‘beware’ ominously when we recognize a similar (but different) situation within the subconscious. Instead, my plan is to compassionately and supportively listen to the chatter and find out where and who it comes from and allow the past to remain in the past, bringing forward only the lessons of this particular experience to help guide me in the future. I’m not going to injure myself further with mistrust or hurt or emotional wounds that refuse to heal. While my trust has been shaken, it has not been toppled. And while I can jokingly quote “living well is the best revenge”, I don’t think there is any need to hold onto any ill will – they will have enough to deal with the collapse of an empire, and I plan on focusing solely on mine.