What’s best for others/me? Why do I need accountability?…

If you’ve landed on this page you may be frustrated by new year resolutions. Why don’t they work?

You’re a responsible person who already takes on more than your share of work to help other people out, but when it comes to you, your plans fall through and you’re in the same place as you were LAST year!

Here are a few ideas that may help you achieve more success for yourself in the new year.

The first resolution that may support other ones is developing your ability to say no. As Greg McKeown highlighted in his book “Essentialism” and great suggestion to repeat and absorb is “I can do anything but not everything”. Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to do it all that we miss out on what is really important to us.

While it often feels like we ‘have to’ do everything others ask us to do or need us to do, we always have a choice.

Take a moment to feel, really feel in your body and mind, how it feels when you get overloaded. You may feel hopeless or helpless, you may feel hurt or angry (even at yourself), or you may feel something else deeply.

Now imagine someone you love – it could be a family member, a friend, a colleague – feeling that same way. You wouldn’t want that for them, would you? You’d actually want them to have the space to respect their time, energy and resources, right? With the skills you have supporting others, you would find ways to empathize and support them; to find alternative ways for them to do, or not do, what they need or want.

Well, there is a part of you that wants to protect and care for *you* in that same way. Once you start imagining how someone else would feel by taking on too much, you might start to imagine a vibrant, capable but vulnerable part of yourself that you also need to take care of. The great thing is that you’ve already got the skills and practice to help others you care about – you just need to imagine yourself in the same kind and compassionate way.

You are a role model to others (they may be people you love, or a greater world community at large) and I don’t think you’d like to give them the wrong impression about how to respect and care for themselves, how important and valuable they are… You serve others better by being an example to others on how to give what you can while saving enough for the things you need and want to do.

They say that it takes a village to raise a child, and I often see habit changes and new resolutions as children that need to be nurtured and supported. It is a great thing to find others that can help keep you on the road to change – they are your ‘transformative’ village.

It may help to have a standing order for meeting or sharing your progress with others – which supports both accountability to the process as well as getting some ‘fresh eyes’ on the change so you can do even better in the future. If you know you’ll have a friendly ‘deadline’ coming up, it often helps to ensure in taking the steps needed to achieve the target set.

It can also reveal to others how important these changes are and how well you can focus on your goals. Teamwork can also make the dream work – and those dreams can turn into a healthier, happier reality.

Imagine for a moment how proud or happy you and the people you care about will feel when you’ve stuck to your resolutions… and notice how good it feels. The subconscious mind loves these feelings and when you imagine your destination with a light and caring approach, it aligns to support you from the inside out (that same part that is so good at helping others!) You can achieve your goals when you take these little steps – gently and with support – throughout the year.

If you’d like to set up a regular self-care regime (whatever the goal or change) let me know. I have a ‘monthly mental message’ subscription that allows you to schedule monthly/ fortnightly sessions that work with your schedule to help keep you in mental, physical and emotional shape to support your life and the ones you love.

If you’re interested in learning more about “The Four Tendencies” (you may be an ‘obliger’) – this article used some of her tendency approaches – please go to GretchenRubin.com or BetterApp.us

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